Things

- To drink responsibly means DON'T SPILL IT!

- The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

- When I start telling a story that begins "The other day" I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 20 years ago.

- I used to be able to get up or sit down without making strange sounds every time.

- I had my patience tested. I am Negative.

- I discovered reincarnation! When you lose a sock in the dryer it comes back as a Tupperware lid that does not fit any container you own.

- I finally got 8 hours of sleep. It took me 3 days.

- I run like the winded.

- Squatting down, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on a can full of celery?

- If I ask for directions, please do not use words like "east" or "north."

- Sometimes someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere ... makes your heart race and changes your life forever. The cops!