any of you ever read your horoscope? We had a

55 year old bleach blonde trying to look 35 in her too tight white yoga pants that showed her features that normally shouldn't be shown in public and are completely frowned upon in Arab countries swished into the gun shop today. Being a nice guy I asked her if there was anything I could do for her (not to her). With her mascara dripping off each lash she blinked a few times and scattered nibblets of eye liner all over the counter and said she was looking for a pistol. She looked at several and then asked me if I had read my horoscope today? I started to tell her I had and it said watch out for a made up floozie looking for a sugar daddy, but said no I didn't. Actually I do remember reading it one day in my senior horny year in high school. I had a date with one of the cheerleaders that I had been drooling over for a good while and had finally convinced her to go to the local heavy breathing spot in the woods. I guess I expected my horoscope to tell me to expect the evening of my dreams and bring the condoms. Instead it told me go slow in my dreams (mostly wet ones) and let success favor me. After that I left the horoscope up to my grandmother.

Anyway, this floozy, secreting her Ode To Sugar Daddy cologne looked over pretty much all the guns and adding up or subtracting the serial numbers. I guess she caught my cross eyed look at what the hell she was doing. She said the number 27 was evil and she couldn't have any gun or anything that had or added up to the number 27. I told her to hang on a moment as I had an employee that was a 27 freak and called him over. He was single, 60 and horny so I knew they would have a good time together. Plus I was about to gag on her essence of horny goat cologne.

Anyway, have any of you that are somewhat sane ever read your horoscope? And no I don't plan to start. Just wondering if I had missed anything in the last 50 years.